That can't be true!
by Yoyi-Yi
Summary: Apparently, there's a consensus among his friends that his uncle is the sexiest man alive. Thor doesn't know wether to agree... If only to hide his innermost feelings. Characters: Thor; Loki; Sif; The Warriors Three; Avengers Team. Aditional Tags: Uncle!Loki; Nephew!Thor; Alternate Universe - Human; Cross-posted on AO3


**Summary: **Apparently, there's a consensus among his friends that his uncle is the sexiest man alive. Thor doesn't know wether to agree... If only to hide his innermost feelings.

**Characters**: Thor; Loki; Sif; The Warriors Three; Avengers Team.

**Aditional** **Tags**: Uncle!Loki; Nephew!Thor; Alternate Universe - Human; Cross-posted on AO3

**Author's Notes**: My autocorrector stopped working so please **DO POINT TO ME** any grammar error you see.

«FELLOW GRAMMAR NERDIES, I SUMMON THEE!» (or something, haha).

I'm asking for it because sometimes I happily write stuff like "beople" instead of "people" and I don't see where's the error, :P TY. And not only grammar, also for wrong expressions I've might read before and think they are being used correctly but are not, thus making a confusing phrase which would result in an unreadable thing (haha)  
Also, I think I have lost my grip on the tenses and I might be mixing past and present tenses in an ugly way that may confuse the reader, sorry about that ;_;

**About the story**: I'm not familiar with ages and colleges and when one graduates, so I went with one starts college at 18 and if everything goes smooth, graduation is 4 years later, by 22. AND if you want to do a master (?) then two more years. In this story, Thor is about to graduate, though I have not thought in deep about his choice in studies. xD

* * *

"…the sexiest. Definitely," was what Stark was saying as Thor approached his friends. The rest of the group nodded in acquiescence.

"Who?" Thor asked when he reached them and sat beside Steve. Thor notices Stark grown tense and then relaxing.

"Who do you think?" Stark replies, wriggling his eyebrows in a way that reminds Thor too much of one of his father's acquaintances.

"George Clooney?" he tries, and the rest of the group start laughing. Thor frowns. "What is so funny?"

"Nothing, Thor," Natasha says, patting him on the shoulder. "It's just that we were discussing who was the sexiest man alive and we took out all the ones we couldn't know in real life and we came to a conclusion."

"Which is?" Thor asked, not quite sure he wanted to know. The grins on his friends were making him nervous.

"Loki," several voices said at the same time.

"Uh… What?" Thor felt as if he was being the target of some kind of really strange joke. He looked at his friends, dumbfounded. "What?" he repeated after a few seconds.

"What? You never noticed before?" Steve asked, arching his eyebrows.

"What do you mean by that?" Thor asked.

"Why, Thor, wherever your uncle goes he makes heads turns, his laughter has made more than one ask for his phone and his flirting could make rocks blush!" Stark said, playing with his phone. Then, short seconds later, he says a cheerful "ahá" while holding it to Thor's face. "Look here, he is even famous," he comments with a grin.

Thor snatches the phone and looks at the sceen. In it, he can see the post of someone who he doesn't know. The post has a picture of his uncle laughing, a white shirt unbuttoned to the second button, sleeves rolled up. The post was talking about this random person's day, how it was so bad until they found his uncle in the street and how their day brightened with the laughter and smile of such a man, and that if they weren't as cowardly as they were, they would have talked to him. Thor's mouth went slack.

"Huh?" was the only thing Thor was able to say, gapping like a fish out of water. His reaction granted him more laughter from his friends, as Stark recovered his phone from his hand.

"Yeah, so, my dude, after browsing the internet for a bit we concluded that your uncle is the sexiest man alive -point note, that we know in person," Stark said, smiling triumphally.

Thor frowned, and hummed noncomitally. Shortly after, the conversation changed into the sexiest woman alive -that they knew in person- and the afternoon gave way lazily into the early night. It wasn't until the sky was dark blue, on the horizont a sliver of orange and the lamposts blinked into life that Thor left them to meet with his childhood friends. And even though the conversation with the Avengers (stupid name they used once to participate in a pool marathon and that stuck, who knows why) had drifted from Thor's uncle, Thor's mind was still wrapping around the knowledge of his uncle being desired, _sexually_, by strangers and acquaintances alike. It is strange. It is so very strange because Thor... He... He had never thought that Loki would be desired like that by other people. Thor had never seen his uncle with anyone, though maybe he has had girlfriends before, right?

When he enters the dinner, his friends are easily located and he can't help but smile. They are chattering quite loudly, though the rest of the place is not quiet either, so they are not bothering the other clients. As he approachs to greet them, Sif got up and hugged him. Hogun patted his shoulder while Volstagg lifted him from the flood. Fandral just nodded, a bright smile on his lips.

"How have you been, Thor? You have grown since the last time I saw you, boy." They all laughed, Volstagg was only five years older than them.

"I'm fine, friend. How are you? When is your next live?" Thor asked while taking a seat.

"They are going to rest this month and the next one they will start the new album's tour," Sif answered, motioning for the waiter to come and order.

They supped amicably, Thor getting news about the Warriors Three flourishing and his friends getting to know that Thor would be graduating soon and would have more time to meet up more often fron then on. Then, as they moved to another place to have a drink, Thor decided to ask his friends about the conclusion his collegue friends had arrived earlier that day, even showing them the post of that random person from the internet.

"Are you sure this is not a prank?" Sif asked, wrinkling her nose. She had never been too fond of his uncle, if only because when they were children he would play pranks on all of them. At the time they had been like the worst thing, but now she could see the appealing of telling a tale of two about mythical creatures that didn't show up in the end just for the man pop out of nowhere and scare them with a costume. "Maybe a very elaborated one, fueled by himself?" she ventured, reading through the comments on the post.

"Aye! That's what I thought at first, but I have never seen my uncle interact with any of these people, and they do not seem aware of his own social media," Thor said, while Sif passed his phone to Fandral for him to see the post too.

"Well, you will have to admit he is rather handsome, and this picture is showing that," the blonde said with a smirk. Then he looked up at Thor, while Hogun and Volstagg took the phone. "I won't lie to you, Thor, I find your uncle quite atractive. And as the time passes by, he just becomes more and more..."

"Please, don't continue," Thor cut him, rubbing his hands on his face.

Fandral shrugged, while chuckling. "Like the best of wines," he said, nonetheless.

"I have to agree with Fandral here. Now that he isn't being bratty and hidding everywhere or making us do stupid things, he does look rather... Appealing," Hogun said, with a soft voice. His eyes were unwavering and his voice firm. He wasn't ashamed to admit it and Thor felt like groaning.

"What is this? Are you all ganging up on me? Even Sif said that..."

"Well, I said that his personality is horrible. If we were to judge him only for his cover..." Sif cut him, then blushing and looking away while coughing sligtly. She took a long swing from her drink.

Thor, feeling desperate, turned to Volstagg. He had married two years ago. Surely he wouldn't say something like his other friends. "What about you, Volstagg?" he pleaded.

"What about me?" Volstagg asked, smirking while taking a sip of his beer. Then, blinking at the rest of them, said to Thor, "I must agree with your revengers friends. Loki is a handsome fella, though I wouldn't count him as the sexiest man alive. Not until I have all the other candidates at hand and can compare," he said, then barked a laugh and clapped Thor on the shoulder. Thor whined.

"Traitors! All of you," he said, making his friends laugh.

"Why, Thor. Don't you find your uncle attractive? Surely you are the closest to him, you must have seen this coming from kilometers away," Fandral said, while Sif hid her face on Thor's shoulder to laugh at his expenses. Thor felt his ears grow hot.

"I surely not! Besides, I have never seen my uncle under that light. He is my _uncle_," Thor replied, stressing the last word, as if to make a point.

"Well, my cousin and I have been like siblings are our lives and still I know he is quite the looker," Sif commented, patting Thor's shoulder lightly and sitting up straight once again. "Though I would never consider dating him because, ugh, _cousin_, but still..."

Thor looked at her, mouth agape. "What?" he asked, horrified. How could Sif, of all people, say a relative was... Why would she...? Thor looked at the rest. They looked back at him.

"Why are you trying to deny it so strongly, Thor? It would appear as if you are trying to hide something more... sinister," Hogun said with a straight, serious face. The merriment was gone now, all of his friends were looking at him with suspicious eyes, sober faces locked on his. Thor felt something jolt in his stomach. Why indeed. Then, as if on cue, Fandral's mouth quirked upwards, Sif frowned slightly, and Volstagg started shaking. In mere seconds, all of them were laughing loudly, red faced, almost breathlessly. At his expenses, again.

Thor's face grew hotter. He knew he must look like a tomato now. And the laughter was so contagious that he felt chuckling himself, then throwing his head back and laughing loudler and stronger than he ever had. For some reason, this situation stopped being frantic, and more like an ongoing prank from his friends than a real issue. And why would it be? It wasn't as if he was attracted to his uncle, right? As if he thought his hair looked best before he styled it back, gelled up. Or as if his stomach fluttered with something warm whenever his low chuckle reached Thor's ears. It wasn't as if Thor thought his thin pale lips looked more appealing than plump, red, filled up lips. Or as if the dark green of is eyes shone more brightly than any emeral green. Right? It wasn't as if Thor wanted to _touch_ his own uncle. In a very un-nephew way. Thor felt dread seize his insides. His laugh cut short. Horror setting on his eyes. He was now internally screaming a _what?_ so deafening he had to take his drink and empty it in one go.

"Well, friends. I think I must retire. I am starting to feel sluggish," he said, putting some money on the table. All of them got up from their seats to hug him and bide him a good night. He knew he was running away.

Thor was taking a late night running that night. It's been a week since he had been made aware of his uncle sexiness and ever since he had been following anything about his uncle he could find on the net. It wasn't much, but he found out some more posts of the same stranger (stuff like OMFG IS THE GOD OF SEX AGAIN and other dumb things). The pictures were good and for some reason Thor was starting to get skittish about this stranger. What if he -because he had infered that it was a he- started stalking his uncle. His stomach had felt heavy, and he felt sleepless, so he dressed up in his training clothes and went out running. The thought of a man following his uncle everywhere made him uneasy.

The music was loud on his earphones and his stride was getting longer. He was starting to grumble, annoyed by the sweat that fell over his brows. A few blocks away from his goal, he stopped to drink from his bottle and rest for a bit. He was stretching his muscles when he heard a familiar voice. Thor frowned. It couldn't be. He noticed that one of his earphones had fallen over his chest, hanging from the wire there. He looked up and saw a couple of men on the other sidewalk, walking slowly, as if enjoying the cool breeze of the night, while the sound of the threes' sleeves dancing to the wind enticed them to have a placid encounter, shielding their low words. Thor wouldn't have noticed them if his earphone hadn't fall from his ear, and was determined to ignore them and continue his night run when the voice of one of them carried to him, very familiar indeed.

"Svad, don't..."

Thor looked at them, sharply, heart hammering in his ribcage with such force it was hurting. One of the men had pushed the other to the trunk of a tree, holding him by the waist and was devouring his mouth. It couldn't be... Thor's mouth went dry. He looked around and was surprised to see that only the three of them were in the street at the moment. When he focused on the pair again, the man who was agains the tree had moved his head away, exposing his neck to the other and Thor felt as if a hand was gripping his heart, stilling it in a painfull grip. His uncle's neck was being ravaging by a stranger -a _man_, his mind supplied, unhelpfully. Thor's breath got caught on his throat and then his uncle moaned.

"Svad... Please... Not here," Loki said in a soft voice, and it sounded consumed by desire. Thor's stomach wasn't feeling heavy anymore, it felt as if his innards had gone somewhere else. Loki chuckled at something that the other man told him. "I know, but you said it yourself. Going slow, remember?"

"Yes, yes. My fault. I wish I could take those words back," the man, Svad, kissed his uncle on the nose, making him laugh. Thor didn't know when, but he had hid himself behind a car, and was _spying_ on them. "It's just... I never thought I would have the opportunity of a date with you. Ever since I saw you..." Svad continued, but was cut off by his uncle's small laugh.

"Yes, I saw your posts," Loki said, and Svad let out a groan, as if embarrassed. "And what's with the _god of sex_ thing? How can you know such a thing if we have never done it before?" Loki's voice was teasing, arms resting on the other's shoulders, fingers interlocking. "Though I'm not opposed to such things... But, alas, we must wait 'till the seventh date to see if we are really compatible enough to mrfph."

Svad cut off his uncle, by kissing him again. "I just wish you are willing to go to the seventh date," Svad said. Loki chuckled again.

"Well, time will tell... For now, we have reached my car," Loki pointed out towards Thor was hidding, and the blond felt his heart hammering faster again in his chest. "And if I remember correctly, your flat is that way."

Thor, who was now hidding completely, couldn't see them anymore, but he could hear Svad sighing. "Well, I must get going then. Text me when you arrive at home, please. I want to know that you arrived safely."

"I will. Have a good night." Thor heard steps fading into the park. He gathered his bravery to sneak a peek at the image and saw something that stilled his heart yet again. His uncle was blushing, hands over his mouth. He could see he was smiling. Then, their eyes locked and his soft smile widened. Thor felt his ears grow hot. "My, Thor, I thought you would get out and present yourself to my new friend. Why, you didn't want to interrupt us? What a good nephew you are, boy," Loki said, approaching him wile unlocking the car. Thor's blush went down from the root of his hair to his chest.

"Sorry," he said.

"Were you running? What are you doing on the floor? Are you ok? Do you need me to bright you home?" Loki said then, after taking a good look at him, growing worried about his nephew on the ground.

"Ah, yes. I was running but... I didn't know what to do. I'm ok, really. I'll take a cab once I finish my run, don't worry, uncle," Thor jumped to his feet and then felt like kicking himself. Why would he brush off an opportunity to be with Loki in the intimacy of his car and... _And what?_ "I'm almost finished, anyways," he supplied when his uncle eyed him, suspicion on his pupils.

"No, I insist, boy. It's quite late. Come on, get in," his uncle commanded, and Thor felt doing exactly that, following his uncle's order like a little boy. He frowned to himself.

"I wish, uncle, you would stop calling me that," he said as he bucled up. "I know I am going to be forever your baby nephew, even when I grow gray and wrinkled, but still, I'm almost 22 and I'm about to graduate from college."

"And what would you have me call you, Thor?" Loki said, smile on his lips. Thor thought about it for a while, while his uncle drove them.

"Maybe just that, Thor."

Loki nodded. "Thor, then. Makes sense, since it's your name, sweetheart," he said after a shot pause, laughing at the end.

Thor felt his heart stopping and hammering in his chest. It wasn't the first time his uncle had called him sweetheart, honey or another kind of endearment, but it was the first time it made Thor blush, air caught at his throat. He just hummed and looked out the window in silence. He heard his uncle sighing and turning on the radio, music filling the silence. Thor guessed his uncle needed time to think about his next date with _Svad_. Bitterly, he thought about how happy his uncle had seem in that man's arms, and the hand over his thigh fisted terserly. What was wrong with him, now?

His stomach felt like an abyss. Tears prickled on his eyes as he reached the truth of his plight. He was _attacted_ to his uncle... And he felt desperation, for he would never be able to have a chance with him. Bile rose in his mouth, throat clossing up. It would have been better to have never been made aware of his desires. The drive ended blissfully as his uncle parked near his building. He mumbled a thank you but before he could get off his uncle's hand clossed on his bicep with a strength he never knew the man possessed.

"Thor, I... I need to ask you something, please wait," Loki's voice was unsure, small. Thor couldn't talk so he just nodded and sat down again, clossing the door. His uncle took several deep breaths before talking again, still holding his arm. "I know it must have come to you as a surprise and... Well, it's not like I ever wanted to hide it, it's just... I never felt like I was hidding anything, I just went with whatever felt like doing. Sometimes it was women but some times..." Loki tailed off. Thor gathered his courage to look at him and saw his uncle looking ahead, self-depreciating smile on his mouth. "I hope you won't think less of me now that you... It never occured to me, but maybe you felt uncomfortable when you saw us before and..."

It dawned on him then. Thor's eyes widened in surprise. His uncle thought he was disgusted with him. "No!" He said, almost yelled, making his uncle jump and look at him, startled. Thor mourned the loss of contact but focused on his words. "No, I mean, yes. But it's not because... If it had been a woman... I mean, I don't like being in the middle of a couple and usually feel a bit... What I'm trying to say is that it doesn't matter, uncle. I... Well... It's not that, you know?" Marvellous, Thor, your prose and vocabulary's demonstration was outstanding, he belited himself. But upon seeing his uncle's form relax and a warm smile appear on his lips, the knot on his stomach disappeared and he found himself smiling back at him.

"Thank you. I would have dreaded for us to drift appart. You are, after all, my favourite nephew."

Thor laughed at that. "Well... Given that uncle Vili has yet to have any children, and that uncle Vé only has daughters, it would be quite difficult if I wasn't your favourite _nephew_," Thor pointed out, shoving lightly at Loki's shoulder. The man laughed and Thor felt something warm settling in his stomach, yet again. Then, his breath caught on his throat, _yet again_, when Loki pulled him into an awkward hug inside the car. Clumsily, he tried to hug back and when his uncle laughed again he felt the breath hot on his neck, low voice directly in his ear and blood rushing to his cheeks and down below. "Well I... I should get inside... Take a shower and all," he tried saying, still tangled with Loki, not wanting to let go, but starting to be selfaware of what was happening between his legs.

"Oh, yes, sorry. And yes, you do that. It's not like your beauty makes up for your smell," his uncle said, releasing him and sitting back at his own seat, wrinkling his nose in a comicall way.

"Thank you for the ride, uncle. See you at the party?" Thor said, while rushing out and closing the car's door, to have something else hiding his hard on from Loki. The man's smile became mischievous then, losing it's warmth to become full of mirth.

"But of course. You are going to love my gift," he winked before starting the car. "Get inside already, boy!" he admonished while wavyng at him and pulled out into the street.

Thor followed the car's lights until he couldn't see them and then went inside. Instead of taking the elevator, he ran the stairs up. Once he was inside his flat, he leaned on the closed door, hid his face on his hands and muttered, "Oh, fuck!"

Because yes, they were right. His uncle was the sexiest man alive, and he had a problem between his legs.

* * *

**More notes**: This was supposed to be short and funny and be cracky... Like, humor, you know? But I think some feelings got mixed in. O_O

And I have the feeling I should be sorry for cutting the story where I stopped... :3


End file.
